Writer's diarrhea
by JustAWriterWannaBe
Summary: Our favorite author has the opposite of writer's block and like a dog with a bone, doesn't notice the world around him.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Story Notes:**  
This takes place some time in the latter part of Season 4, (BC).

* * *

The sound of a cell phone playing a bizarre ringtone echoes throughout the loft.

Martha comes down the stairs and finds Castle's phone on the counter, it shows Beckett is calling. She decides to answer it. "Hello Kate, it's Martha." ... "Oh I know, I've been hearing this phone of his ring and ring. Oh good gracious no, it's not your fault, you're trying to reach him he's the one who's abandoned his post." ... "I don't know what he's up to. Oh, one thought comes to mind, hold on while I check." Martha peeks into his office and finds Castle sitting with his feet up on the desk typing on his laptop furiously. "Yes, it's what I was afraid of, he's here and he's writing."

Martha laughs and sits at the counter "Kate, I know you've been around him for a while now but you've not had the... um... experience of being around him when he's had, what we call 'writer's diarrhea'." Laughs "Yes, it is a very unpleasant visual, I'm sorry for that. Those of us who've had to deal with him when he has writer's block learn about these sort of things. You'll be learning them quickly enough in time. Right now, he has the opposite of writer's block hence the unpleasantly descriptive moniker. He's doing what you might call a stream of consciousness exercise, he's got all these things bouncing around in his head and he just lets them pour out onto a page, he can then take that document and pull out plums to expand on."

"**Of course** dear, you're **always** welcome here. Come by any time you want. Just be aware, when he gets like this he can be, shall we say, different as well as difficult." ... "Well, here's the thing of it. You know how Richard has a short attention span? Okay, you're right, microscopic is a better word. Well, there are times when the dear boy's attention can get stuck on something. No, worse than a low-neckline, I mean unshakable. Right now I could go in there and tell him that you've been captured by pygmies and his response, **if** he had a response, would probably be something like 'as long as they're nice to her'. No, really, it's funny sometimes. And, if you get lucky, when you proofread his work, you'll find something in there about pygmies kidnapping some strange woman."

Martha laughs heartily "Oh it is truly entertaining to see his mind hop the track like that. We do it to tease him at times but we've all learned to never ask him anything important, or god-forbid, serious when he's like this." Listens for a bit "Yes, you should. Come over and have a few laughs. He got home yesterday about 5pm and judging from what I can see, he's not stopped writing since. No, I mean it, he's going on eighteen hours of writing, he's probably taken two or three potty breaks but that's it. I say that because I don't see a puddle on the floor under him. Sure, I'll be here. Just give me extra time to get to the door from upstairs."

Martha hangs up the phone and smiles. As she puts the phone down, she looks towards his office and says "Well Richard Castle, you are going to get your comeuppance today. I wish I was a fly on the wall for it." With that she heads up the stairs smiling broadly, to await Beckett's arrival.

A little while later, the door bell buzzes. Martha glides down the stairs to open the door. "Kaate. Please, come on in."

"Hello again Martha."

"You know what Kate, let me do something." as Beckett closes the door, Martha walks over to the kitchen and takes something from a corner. "Kate, I've been in enough relationships to know that the idea of having someone else's key can be significant but I'm going to bypass that with this." she hands Kate something "Here's the key to our front door. It's not from Richard, it's from me, just a friend."

"Oh Martha, no."

"No Kate, I insist. I can't think of anyone in the world we'd trust more so that's not an issue and this way the baggage of him giving you a key is avoided."

"Martha, I.. but...he..."

"Kate, that's just it, **I** am giving you the key because it makes **my **life easier. This way we don't have to stop what we're doing to let you in, I'm allowing you to come in on your own. You have an open invitation to our home."

"But..."

"No buts. I'm doing this for me. And... well, truth be told, because if Meredith finds out it'll drive her crazy. I know she's Alexis' mother and I respect her for that but there's still the urge to twist the knife at times."

"Okay. I'll do it for you. If there's ever a time you want it back, please, don't hesitate or think twice to ask for it back."

"It's a deal. Now, Richard's in his office, I'll be upstairs."

"Thank you Martha."

"Ta ta daaling!" says Martha, gliding towards the stairs.

Taking off her coat Beckett looks around. "Well, let's see what he's up to." she says under her breath as she sneaks into his office thinking to herself "It's almost too easy. I wonder if I should... Naaa... I'll be good..."

Once inside the office she decides to have a little fun after all so to tests the waters "Hey Castle, a giant panda just took a subway hostage." she says to him.

"Humm... that's nice dear." he says typing away without missing a beat.

"Dear eh?" she thinks to herself smiling.

"The Swedish bikini wrestling team is trapped too."

"Dontcha..." type type "..love..." type type "...New York..." type type type he replies.

"Oh, this could be really really fun or, if I'm not careful, pretty disastrous." she thinks to herself. "Well Kate Beckett, how badly do you want to get him back for all those goofy jokes he's hit you with?" she looked at the man engrossed in his work and smiles, "Well, maybe just a little bit of fun won't hurt."

She walks up behind him and reads what he's typing on the screen. Yup, there it is, 'a giant panda in a bikini wrestling a subway car.' "I feel like a cat playing with a mouse." she thinks. Reading on, she sees he's in the midst of writing a chase scene, she reaches out and gently strokes the hair on the back of his head, twirling a finger around in his locks. Looking at the screen, she can see what happens, 'The suspect's car collided with the police cruiser blocking their path as Nikki Heat, gun drawn, runs towards them twirling her finger in Jamison Rook's hair yelling "Police! Don't stop!"'

"Oh good grief." she to herself as she rolls her eyes. "I was right, this is too easy." leaving the office, she heads for the kitchen thinking "I'll make a sandwich for lunch and maybe that'll break his spell, he looks like he's not even showered or eaten since he got home." As she starts to orient herself in the kitchen, Martha comes back down.

"Kate, I have to go out for a few hours. It seems running my own school has demands. Please make yourself at home."

"Thank you Martha." she smiles "I have to ask, how long can he go like that?"

"If we let him, he'd go until his body shuts down and he passes out from exhaustion. We've seen it happen a few times. Usually, he's good for about thirty to thirty-five hours from waking up to turning off. What you see there is about twenty and he had been up with you folks at the precinct for another eight to ten so he's at the tail end of his run. Don't be surprised to hear his laptop fall to the floor and he just goes limp and falls sound asleep."

"Okay, so I shouldn't feel bad breaking him loose from the grip he's in?" Kate asks concerned.

"Oh no, absolutely not. If you weren't here, I'd be starting on him now. The poor boy needs some food and sleep... and a long shower."

"I'll see what I can do to wake him up for you."

"Thank you Kate. I'd say 'be gentle' but I think he may deserve what you'll do to him." Martha says smiling as she heads for the door "Toodles!" as the door closes behind her.

"Hmmmm... I wonder..." she thinks as she heads into the office again and reads over his shoulder 'Into the bullhorn she yells "This is Nikki Heat! You're not going to get away! We've got you surrounded!" Jamison Rook, looks at her, continually amazed at how strong she is. Nikki, turns to him'... Kate laughs to herself and whispers into Castle's ear "Richard, take me. Take me now. Make me feel like a real woman." she looks at the screen ...'continually amazed at how strong she is. Nikki, turns to him and she pulls him down on her, kissing her passionately he whispers in her ear "Oh Nikki. Nikki. Kate. Your skin is so soft, I love you so much" says Jamison Castlezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

She stands up abruptly, shocked at what she's just read. She suddenly feels herself go flush, cheeks hot, embarrassed, and unsure of what to do. His eyes, are now fixed way off in the distance. His hand stuck on the "z" key. She reaches over and pushes his hand off of the keyboard. His eyes begin to close. He looks like a kitty that doesn't know it is about to fall asleep. His body starts to go limp, she catches the laptop as it slides off his legs. His head rolls forward then backwards, his mouth open and his breathing heavy and his eyes shut tight.

She suddenly feels naked and very unsure of herself. She puts the laptop down on the desk. Looking at him, there's not much she can do... unless... She gently puts his feet down on the floor, puts his arm over her shoulder, and whispers in his ear, "Richard? Richard. I want you to get up." and she starts to boost him from the chair as his body stiffens a little and he begins to move at her command. "Now, let's walk into the next room." and, like a zombie under her control he begins to let her move him forward into the living room. Carefully she turns him around and lets him down onto the couch. She covers him gently with a blanket and lets him sleep.

She looks at the sleeping form on the couch and smiles. Catching herself, she stands up straight and shakes it off. "Well, I..." looking at the television and then glancing at the office door... "No, I shouldn't..." she bites her lip and then hurries into his office pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing it. "Lanie?" she says in a hushed voice "Are you free for a couple of minutes? No, I'm not in the precinct." as she sits down in his chair "I'm in Castle's office! No, really! He's asleep on the couch." she twists her face "No you dirty little girl. Get your mind out of the gutter." she giggles. "Let me tell you what happened..." and she tells her best friend in the world about the morning's events... "Let me read it to you from his screen..." and she then relates the story of Nikki and Jamison and as she finishes, she feels herself blushing again "Isn't that amazing?!"

Lanie Parish, on the other end of the call, is sitting in her office with the door closed, laughing so hard at the story her friend is telling her that tears are streaming down her face. "No honey, it isn't amazing. It's only amazing to you. The rest of us know that story very well. Yes, I promise, I won't tell anyone, not even Javi. Not that he'd believe me but I wouldn't want to ruin your fun."

"Yeah, thank you." says Kate, getting up from the chair and walking out to the kitchen, aware that it feels normal to her and she doesn't feel like she's invading someone else's home. "I'm going to stay here for a while, Martha left me here to keep an eye on him... Oh be quiet you! I'm going to make a sandwich and watch some TV, it feels good to be out of my normal routine." ... "I'm going to call the boys now. No, Of course I'm not telling them where I am. Okay, thanks for listening. 'bye!" and she hangs up her phone smiling wide. She quickly dials it again "Ryan? Yea, anything exciting going on?" Listens "Okay, I'm going to take a short break. I'm going to be working on some old paperwork at home. If anyone needs me, call alright?" Smiles "Thanks. No, I'm not worried about Castle, you know him, he always appears magically. Great, talk to you later on. Thanks." and she hangs up the phone and finishes making her sandwich.

Looking around, Kate realizes that this is the first time she's ever had the chance to wander around the loft and look at things. So, with her sandwich in hand, she strolls around the living room, examining the books and nick-knacks on the shelves, trying to guess their stories. Suddenly she hears stirring from the couch "Nikki! Nikki! Look out!" and he goes back to sleeping soundly.

"What a sight. If I didn't think it was mean, I'd love to take a picture to wave at him later." she thinks. Kate continues to wander around, going into his office, she examines all the strange things he's collected over the years. She finishes her sandwich and heads back to the kitchen to wash the dishes she used.

Feeling unusually at home, she heads into the living room to check on Castle, he's still out. "Snorin' like a baby chainsaw" she thinks. "Well, maybe time to catch up on some TV watching." She sits down on the couch and turns on the TV low and starts to roam through the channels looking for something to watch, finally landing on a marathon of old episodes of "Temptation Lane", she puts the remote down, and curls up on the couch hugging a big pillow to lose herself in the show.

Hours later, she doesn't even know how many, she woke up. Startled by her own vulnerability in this state. She looked around and the blanket was piled on the couch but Castle was nowhere to be seen. She blinked and checked her watch. It looks like she'd slept about six hours. The sky was darkening over the city. She stood up and admired the view out these windows. Then she realized. Oh, I'm in Castle's home! She looks around, remembering she's a guest and goes to look for him. He's not in the office or the kitchen, she heads for his bedroom, her heart pounding at what she may find there. She opens the door and looks in. She can feel her face flushing yet again. She doesn't see anything and then she notices the light under a door. He must be in the bathroom. She lets out a sigh and heads back to the living room and begins to fold the blanket and neaten up when he comes sauntering in, wrapped in a towel, groggy but now the "normal" Castle she's used to.

"Hey! I didn't know we had a maid! You look just like that hot detective I work with." he says, obviously punching some of her buttons.

She blushes and pokes back "Don't you wish!"

"Remember Beckett, my wishes and dreams **do** come true." he smiles and winks at her with that oh-so-irresistible twinkle in those blue eyes of his as he heads into the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes please! I'd love some." as she sits down at the counter.

"How long have you been here?"

"A few hours. Your mother let me in some time about noon. I helped you to the couch when you shut down."

"Sorry about that. I don't wish that on anyone. You could have just left me where I was. I'm actually kind of used to it. I wake up a little sore but none the worse for wear."

"It's okay. I found a marathon of Temptation Lane episodes so I did some catching up while you slept."

"Well, good. I'm glad you got something out of it."

"Oh yeah." she says, enthusiasm showing through, suddenly wishing she could take it back.

He looks at her and gives that annoying eyebrow of his a hoist just enough so she knows what he's thinking.

"I'm hungry. Would you like anything to eat?" he announces as he opens the door to the 'fridge.

"I don't know, I probably should go home and let you get some more sleep."

"No, please stay." now it is his turn to wish he'd not said it that way.

"Well... if you want me to."

"Yes, please. If you let me go get dressed, I'll take you out to some dinner."

"I don't know."

"Just a burger. I promise."

"Only if you buy me one of those thick shakes."

"It's a deal. We'll go to Remy's. Give me a couple of minutes and I'll be right back."

"Okay. If you make me wait much longer you might have to buy me some fries too." she chuckled as he semi-ran into his room to change.

He comes out minutes later, dressed like he usually is. "He always seems to be able to simply slip into a casual suit and look good without looking dressed-up." she thinks.

"You ready?" he says approaching her.

"Yes." as she stands up from the counter, he gets her coat and helps her on with it. "Thank you." Ever the refined gentleman, he puts his hand on her back and walks with her to the door, opening it for her, and going out behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

They sat in the only open booth in the restaurant, in the back in a dark and quiet corner. If Beckett even suspected that he'd planned this, she'd have turned on her heel and walked away.

The waiter came over and Castle did what came naturally, he ordered "The lady will have a burger, medium, with all the toppings, skip the onions" he said, not even looking at Beckett but still giving off that twinkle in his eye "with a nice thick strawberry shake. I'll have the same with a chocolate shake please."

"Thank you, I'll put this order in right away." and as the waiter walked away "Oh, and a side order of fries for the lady." he called after him, the waiter giving him a sign he got the addition to the order.

Turning back to Beckett he saw the look in her eyes and avoided a number of the likely subjects that might be on her mind and simply said "Just in case I took too long and you weren't going to tell me." with that electric smile she so adored. They sat there making small talk, avoiding the things they should be talking about for quite a while as their meals came. Then Beckett dropped the bomb on him.

"Your mother's quite the card at times." she said nonchalantly "I didn't think she had it in her to poke wounds."

"What do you mean? She really only does that to certain people."

"Well, she decided that your ex" she spoke the prefix like it was a sour candy "wife Meredeth seemed to be needing one of those pokes."

"Ah, yeah, those two really do have it in for each other. I try to not instigate it because she is Alexis' mom and all. So, I'm more inclined to try and keep the two apart and, shall we say, put up with Meredeth and her wacky view of the world."

Waiting until he had a bite of food in his mouth and was sucking on the straw for his shake, she said, "Yeah, your mother thinks Meredeth will go ballistic when she finds out Martha gave me a key to the loft."

"Ppppptttttttthhhhhhhhhh!" Castle choked on his food and a smidgen of chocolate shake came out of his nose as he tried to compose himself.

Beckett just smiled to herself and took another bite of the burger waiting to see how long it took for him to recover. Not even looking at him, just looking at her burger and fries.

"Ummm... My mother... She... Er..." clearing his throat and coughing some more "She gave you a key?"

"Umhum..." hummed Beckett simply nodding while chewing all the while enjoying the sight of his discomfort.

"Ahem... Umm.. When did she do that?" he struggled to sound calm, failing miserably.

"Oh this morning, she decided that she didn't want to bother answering the door when I came over so she gave me the key."

"I...ummmm...well... I..." Castle found himself struggling to even find any words, not just right ones to say to her, he realized he'd been holding his breath and was winded already. Taking a deep breath, as he opens his mouth to speak they hear Esposito call out "Hey! Castle, Beckett, funny running into you two here!" as Espo and Lanie come in and boldly sit down with the two of them.

Castle's red face and confused look pleased Kate, she didn't think she could knock the wind out of him like that. Lanie, sitting next to Beckett noticed the look on his face, then looked at Beckett and saw the sly smile on her face.

Knowing **something** was up, along with the earlier conversation she had with Kate, was enough for Lanie to enjoy for now. She and Espo being there was actually making it worse for Castle and she decided to have fun with her friend at his expense. "So Castle, what's new? You usually have great adventures in your life to tell us about. How's the new book coming?"

Placed squarely on the spot, Castle had to respond but he was still choking on the food and the idea that Kate had the key to his loft. His face turned more and more red as the conflicts in his head, and heart, fought it out for control.

Esposito noticed it too, he was smiling, knowing that their friend, the guy with all of the answers who usually was cool about everything was obviously in some kind of fix and most likely it involved him and Beckett. When Castle coughed a bit again because of the food, Espo took it upon himself to whack Castle on the back under the pretense of trying to help dislodge the food. This sent Castle further into the emotional maelstrom he was in prompting a muffled "Ouch!" from Castle.

Feeling a little sorry for him, Kate chimed in with "Castle's been writing since he got home last night. His mother said they call it writer's diarrhea."

The three laughed a hearty laugh at the joke and even Castle cracked a smile.

Lanie and Kate chatted about something unimportant while Javi asked Castle in a bit of a hushed voice "You alright bro?"

"Umm," he replied hoarsely "I got some food caught a minute ago before you folks showed up."

"I hate it when that happens." says Espo, obviously teasing him, knowing full well that it was something more than just that.

"So," clearing his throat "Sorry, so, what are you folks doing out and about tonight?" asks Castle attempting to return the situation to normal.

"Well, Lanie decided that she was in the mood for a burger. Don't know what got into her tonight, she just said she had to have a Remy's special. Hey, who am I to argue with the lady."

"Yeah." said Castle, almost not even there, lost in his own thoughts, sort of wondering if he's been set up.

Seeing the situation the two were in, Javi looked at Lanie and gave a small head-nod for them to leave. Lanie nodded slightly in agreement. "Hey, a table opened up over there, Castle, Beckett, nice catchin' up with you two but me and the lady got some talking of our own to do." with that, Esposito stood up and offered his hand to Lanie to help her up.

"If you need anything honey, give me a call." she said over her shoulder to Beckett as she left with a wicked grin on her face.

Castle waved a hand at the two. His face had finally returned to normal color and he looked at Beckett and all he could say was "My mother the card."

"I think she's a stitch at times." she couldn't help herself, 'twisting the knife' as it were. "The question is, do you think she'll volunteer it to Meredith?"

"Huh?" his mind taken off of the track it was on yet again "I don't think so, not quickly, it'll be much more subtle." He still didn't know what to think or say. The whole of "Richard Castle, the accomplished author" had spun out of control and was flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water and Beckett was enjoying the show.

She finally decided that he'd suffered enough. Well, maybe enough for now. "I should ask you, is that a problem for you? I mean" reaching into her pocket "if you want it back..."

"No. Um... well... um..." all he could think was one word **"CRAP!"** she again caught him off guard.

"There are times that I swear I did something wrong in my previous life to deserve the things she does to me." he said dejected, not even bothering to look up. It's obvious he's beaten and down for the count.

"I'll revel in this tonight but I have to let the guy off the hook." she thought to herself. "Castle?"

"Yeah." still looking at his food, playing with one of the fries.

"Castle, it's obviously a problem. It's a problem for you..."

"Yes and no Kate" he interrupted her quietly.

"It's a problem for you and it's a problem for me." she resumes "It means a lot that she trusts me enough to give it to me. I'm flattered. I really am. Even though she gave it to me for other reasons, I feel funny having it. Especially with our relationship. I think it'd be best if you took it back. Here." she says sliding the key across the table.

He looks up and reaches out putting his hand on her's on the key. "Kate, there's no one in the world who I trust more than you. I don't assume that this little piece of metal is completely devoid of meaning. I also don't assume that it speaks volumes about our relationship. I think she did it for the right reasons and agree with her. I willingly put my life in your hands every day without hesitation. Allowing you to come and go from my home is a natural extension to that I think. We may grow together or apart, I don't pretend to know but I know that, just as you have my family's phone numbers in your phone in case of emergency or convenience, I'd like you to have this too." and he moves her hand and the key a bit back to her. "You should use it as you see fit. Like I said, we all trust and care about you." he lets his hand linger on hers, feeling the warmth and softness of her skin.

"Well, I will, but on the same condition I gave to Martha."

"What's that?" he asks looking up, losing himself in her eyes.

"If there's any questions, concerns, or hesitation, or just if there's ever a time you want it back, please, don't hesitate or think twice to ask for it back, no explanations needed."

"Deal." He said smiling.

She looked at his hand covering hers, the feel of his touch sent a shiver up her spine. He noticed and, trying to not seem obvious, he pulled his hand back and took a fry.

They spent the rest of the evening sitting there, talking, two friends, connected but not admitting it. As the evening wore on, time caught up to Castle. "Bec... Kate. I have had a lovely time with you tonight but unless you want me to fall asleep on you" he paused at the meaning of the statement then quickly "I mean pass out right here in this seat, I think I should go home and get some real sleep. I'm sure you can use some too. You did a lot for me today, thank you very much."

The two began to 'shimmy' out of the booth, Castle peeling a bill off from his money clip, left it on the table.

"Don't tell your mother but I had a great day. I got to catch up on Temptation Lane and nose around your living room." she says as they turned to head for the door, his hand at her back.

"I'm glad. Next time I'll have to put some nose traps on those shelves to catch you." he said smiling. She thought "Ahhh, now there's the Castle I know and...".

When they got outside, they gave each other a long look, clearly noticed by Lanie and Javi still in the restaurant. "Thank you for...everything, for being there." he finally said to her.

Her reply was simple.

"Always."

He smiled at her, and with his hand still on her back, close but not too close, he told her "I'll take you home now and no arguing. I have a big day tomorrow, I have a lot of proofreading to do."

"Oh boy oh boy do you ever!" she thought as he hailed a cab.


End file.
